a week off

i want to say a huge thank you to all my regular readers from all over the country, and wherever you follow along with the goings-ons of the milinovich family.  you surprise me with how you stick with me through my long seasons of steelers fanaticism, novice artistic attempts, and ramblings about what i'm learning to believe.  i have been blessed by your comments, your encouragement, your challenges, and your frequent "amens!".  thank you. 

all of that being said, i am taking a week or so off from the sometimes burdensome responsibility of writing.  i'm hoping to refresh my spirit a bit, and come back recharged.  blog experts will tell you never to do this, as it will cause you to lose all your momentum in terms of readership and numbers and all of that.  but i have never really cared too much for numbers and such.  i just write because i need to.  because it helps me make sense of this beautifully broken world, and because i am most myself (or who i feel i was created to be) when i'm writing and creating and asking questions.  so i will keep on doing those things.  i simply need a sabbath of sorts. 

i'm hoping to breath some fresh air.  to hear some birds sing.  to get lost in a book or two.  to fall asleep with my headphones on.  to take a walk, my feet striking the pavement to the tempo of a dave brubeck experiment.  to see something magical in the clouds, and drown a bit in the laughter of my children. 

catch you on the flipside. 

why i love the bible

"the Scriptures were not given to increase our knowledge, but to change our lives."  -d.l. moody 

collage: grey world

to the left is an assemblage i made a few years ago, which i sold, but i came across this picture of it, and realized that i had never shared it on my blog (at least i don't think i did).  this is obviously a black and white assemblage, created in a shadowbox.  it's probably too difficult to read on this pic, but there are words on the glasses and they read, "truth is not black and white."  and the collage is called "grey world."  you can draw your own conclusions.

you may or may not agree with me, and i'm okay with that.  but it's my prerogative as an artist to express the world as i encounter it, and hopefully to make others feel or think something in the process. 

here's what i think: the older i get, the less sure i am; the more i learn, the less i know; the more i seek, the more i discover that questions - not answers - are the real treasure; and the world is quite simply not as black and white as i once thought it was. 

at first this realization was disarming and disorienting.  as i grew out of a watertight worldview into something that actually had to deal with reality - and with people - there were some accompanying growing pains.  the world didn't fit nicely into my simple, preconceived notions of right and wrong, justice, and truth.  things are complicated.  words (and The Word) need interpretation.  truth grows more real and beautiful in story, while it withers and dies in propositions and dogmas.  justice is blind, but mercy, her sister, sees all the darkness.  and wisdom?  well she mediates between the two.  and it just isn't as black and white as i once thought it was.  it isn't cut and dried.  the world is broken and beautiful.  messed up and  magical.  shipwrecked and shot full of glory.  it is black and white and bright orange and deep blue and an entire spectrum of swirled colors.  and it is grey, with space for asking real questions, doubting real doubts, and dreaming real dreams.  and the truth?  the truth is not a destination.   it's not written in stone.  it's not at the courthouse or the church building.  the truth is in the journey - the experience of searching and seeking and knocking and asking and discovering the One who is Truth and Life and Justice and Mercy and Wisdom and Hope and Love. 

it is a grey world.  and i am happy to be alive in it, discovering the beauty in every moment.  grace and peace.

random: exorcisms, tires and weddings

-time for another random post.  which is just another way of saying that i am unfocused this morning.  deal with it.

-i finished reading "the girl who played with fire" the other night.  if books were rated, it would definitely be rated R, but it was quite good.  the main character, lisbeth salander is a really fascinating protagonist, and a very interesting study in morality.  this particular book was so suspenseful that i was literally sweating and shaking during the last 75 pages.  this book is the second in a series (between "the girl with the dragon tattoo" and "the girl who kicked the hornets' nest"). 

- i also watched a movie this week while i was a bachelor for the weekend. i watched "the exorcism of emily rose," and i was very intrigued.  i was worried that it would just be a shallow horror-type film with demonic elements, but it relied less on gimmicks and tricks and more on a very interesting story latent with some significant questions about the spiritual aspect of life.  do demons exist?  are they active in our lives?  can they "possess" us?  have we become comfortable explaining this away with science?  all sorts of good and interesting questions arise from this film, and although it could be terrifying to some people, i would recommend viewing it because it doesn't spoon feed any answers: it leaves room for you to explore it yourself.  it is based on a true story, by the way. if anyone wants to borrow the dvd, i'd be happy to mail it to you (or hand it to you, if you're local). 

-discovered a slow leak in one of our tires.  getting it repaired has turned into getting 4 new tires.  so, i just exchanged jackson's freshman year of college for 4 rubber circles.  sorry, jack.  looks like an extra year of working at burger king for you. 

-congrats to my minnesota friend who is getting married this weekend, and my cousin who got married last weekend.  that's one of my favorite things about summer: weddings.  i love driving by some hot church, standing stark against the blue summer sky, surrounded by bubble-blowing friends and family in their fanciest clothes.  there is something about the pomp and circumstance of a wedding that appeals to me.  the beginning of a marriage is certainly a deserving moment for our favorite tie and jacket, or our best pumps.  we gather in the summer heat to celebrate a new beginning, an impossibly strong commitment, and the truth that there is grace in the midst of every step of the journey ahead.  congrats to both of you, and know that i celebrate with you, even though i can't be there to dominate your dance floor. 

-i have music issues.  yesterday i created a playlist for our vacation to cape may and ended up with 160 songs before i decided that was enough.  everything from mumford and sons to styx to kenny chesney is included.  just enough genres so that everyone else in my extended family can find some songs to hate. 

-weight loss update:  i have now lost 37 pounds since january 1st.  that's 15% of my weight!  even though my back pain has morphed into sciatica, and is the worst pain i've ever experienced in my life, i'm still eating healthy and making some good choices that are being reflected on the scales.  the only problem is that i am going to need a whole new wardrobe soon! 

-i finished stripping the dresser, and it looks wonderful.  unfortunately we're about to cover it in white paint so that it matches the other furniture in the baby's room.  

-have a great wednesday.  peace.

my boys

aren't they just adorable?

what i learned while stripping

yesterday i had the opportunity to spend some time with your high school class during sunday school. we talked about all sorts of things, but one of the things we talked about was the masks that many of us wear during the course of our day - how we put on different masks for different situations. 

and then in church we looked at the scripture where Jesus says that we will be "clothed with power" and i was thinking about the differences between being clothed by the Holy Spirit, and how we dress ourselves spiritually with all kinds of clothes and  makeup that try to make us look better than we are.  i was picturing how sometimes i find myself applying spiritual makeup, so to speak, in order to meet someone's (or God's) perceived expecations. 

finally, i spent part of saturday and sunday stripping.  a dresser.  scraping and scrubbing and trying to dig through layers of paint and stain acquired over God knows how many years.  and with each tired scrape, i wondered about the spiritual build-up in my own life.  how many layers have i accumulated, trying to be someone i'm not; trying to look good for the crowd or the superior or for God?  how much work do i need to scrape and scratch in so many crevices to be the one i was intended to be?  And then i rested easy in one of the great truths of our faith: that it's not by might or by power, but by God's Spirit.  no matter how hard i try, i can't scrub myself clean or chisel the chunks of spiritual plaque from my soul.  but God can.  in one merciful gesture, God makes everything glorious again.  and i am simply called to be myself, and to stop covering me up with who i'm not. 

saturday song: the world exploded into love

i've had this song on my ipod for some time as it appeared in some soundtrack that i have.  it's by a guy named bob schneider, whom i know nothing about, but i do know that everytime this song comes up on shuffle it stops me in my tracks.  it is closely connected (in my mind and heart) to the post i wrote yesterday about God making everything glorious.  sometimes the world just seems to be exploding into love.  yes, it is full of broken bits and detritus of every sort, and we might be quick to characterize the eras by various wars and bombs, but there is also this sense that love is the real rhythm of the universe and it's pulse is pounding out in every event and object and person and relationship.  to put it another way, sometimes the world is just too amazing for me to be able to comprehend or experience.  it is just too beautiful.  if i really see it, it'll be too much for me.  i feel like elijah, only being able to see the backside of God's glory, or like moses taking off his shoes, or isaiah realizing just how unclean he is.  i just can't believe it.  and yet believing it is exactly what i'm trying to do.  the world is exploding into love around us.  it's amazing. 

ps.  this video is dumb.  sorry.  it's the only one i could find with the original recording.  so just close your eyes and listen, or watch it if you like to see sand castles being blown up.  either way, i hope you open your eyes to Love today.  peace.

you make everything glorious

i'm at annual conference.  i don't make any attempt to hide my true feelings about these annual gatherings of methodist clergy and lay people from the entire region:  i'm not a huge fan.  don't get me wrong, i enjoy the worship and the fellowship, but i grow quickly weary of endless reports and church red tape.  more than that, i get really frustrated with how a body as large as this can't work very effeciently, in the midst of using roberts rules of order.  we get sidetracked and bogged down in process and minutia until we've completely lost our focus and, in my opinion, often end up wasting our time. 

i was feeling my frustration level rise like the mercury in the thermometer here in central pennsylvania yesterday as we were debating whether fracking is dangerous or not, making amendments to amendments and losing track of our focus when i suddenly read a tweet that someone wrote (i can't remember who it was, now), and it stopped me in my tracks.  the tweet read simply:  Lord, you make everything glorious. 

God makes everything glorious.  everything.  if that doesn't send a chill down your spine and give you goosebumps, then you didn't really pay attention.  in my theology it's called redemption.  what it means is that God takes whatever is broken, whatever is ruined, whatever is off-track, whatever is ugly, whatever is hopeless, whatever is bogged-down and brought low, whatever is crushed and crippled - everything - and makes it right, makes it whole, makes it right, makes it beautiful, makes it glorious.  even the mundane things.  even the broken things.  even roberts rules of order.  even our broken, fractured conversatios, and our failed attempts at being the church.  all of it.  God takes it and breathes into it and turns it into something glorious. 

which always leaves us with a choice.  will we sit and comment on and complain about the brokenness?  will we be snug in our cynicism?  or will we lift our eyes to a different level, to see what glorious thing God is doing?  today i choose to see the glorious.  tomorrow (or even later today), i may need to pray to ask God to help me keep seeing it, as the conversation here at annual conference gets bogged down in beaurocratic blabber.  but i will keep praying, keep asking, and keep looking, even in the midst of all the brokenness.  because i believe in a God who takes what is broken and makes it glorious. 

community farm

shannon found a great project for our family this summer, and i thought i would share with you its humble beginnings, even if that's as far as it ever gets.  penn state university sponsers a community farm in selinsgrove, pa, which is about 10-15 minutes from our home.  you basically pay a small fee and get a 30x30 plot of land to grow whatever you'd like.  since we don't have room in our yard for a garden, we thought that this would be a great idea for us to learn some things about gardening, to teach the kids about the importance of growing healthy food, and to (hopefully) get some good vegetables in the process.  so, despite some initial hiccups, we've started.  we'll see how it goes, but it's been fun already to get down there and get dirty and start caring for this little seeds and plants.  the boys are mildly interested, but these pictures represent the very best of our time there.  the rest of the time is spent finding new things to complain about (heat, cold, bugs, tired, bored, dirty, etc.). 

here is caedmon wearing my work gloves and helping mommy plant the tomatoes. 

pepper plants

the pregnant gardner in the sunset (also the title of my next book)

our humble garden, which will hopefully yeild us a few peppers, tomatoes, carrots, watermelons and more!

random: kryptonite and jolly rogers

-it's been awhile since i've just stream-of-consciencenessed this thing, so here goes. 

-i'm thinking i have some real work to do in terms of theological training and education for my kids.  yesterday cade (4 years old) asked me if Jesus likes kryptonite.  umm...

-last night i had the yankees/red sox game on and everytime they would show the red sox, cade and jack would make gagging noises.  at least i've given them a proper a sports education.  then, wisely, jack would add in:  i like the person who is playing, i just don't like the team.  attaboy, jack. 

-summer has officially started here in sunbury.  school ended yesterday.  jack came home with 6 banana boxes full of crayon drawings.  i'm pretty sure it is my obligation as a loving father to save every last one.  or is that my inner hoarder talking?  not sure, but what am i going to do with all these monuments to his development?  ahhhhh!

-i'm headed to my annual conference this week, which means lots of sitting, not to mention dealing with hours of robert's rules and procedures.  i may skip out early if i can find someone willing to root canals for me or gouge out my eardrums with rabies-infested raccoon claws.  anything.  please. 

-dang yankees lost to the sox.  but i was flipping back and forth to the buccos game.  anyone keeping an eye on those pirates?  they look like a different club this year, with some energy and fire and spunk.  if only the ownership can avoid the temptation to have a huge player yard sale midway through the year, they might actually finish over .500, and the city would start really falling in love again.  that would be awesome.  raise the jolly roger!

-currently listening to: an epic, no less - we are the echo of love

-currently reading:  the girl who played with fire

-currently wearing:  my minx fur bath robe, with my armani slippers.  just kidding.  you don't really want to know.

-currently eating:  protein shake.  (by the way, i'm up to 31.5 pounds lost since 1/1). 

-currently searching for: dentists able to perform immediate root canals.

-currently hoping:  that you all have a fabulous wednesday, and overcome whatever kryptonite you might come across.  peace out.

want "eat" for yourself?

i finished this collage (technically it should be called an assemblage) last week, and posted here on the blog.  i had several comments from folks who really liked it and some who were interested in having me make another one.  so i've decided to do this.  since it is a labor-intensive project, and requires the purchase of some materials, i am offering myself to be commissioned to make a collage like the one above for you.  here are the details:

you tell me what color(s) you would prefer, and i will make something pretty similar to one i've made above.  i will charge $100 in order to cover both the cost of materials (canvas, glue, paints, etc) and my time.  if nobody takes this offer that's fine, or if 10 people do, that's fine, too.  just leave a comment here or email me and i will get started as soon as i can. 

as always, i continue to appreciate the support many of you have given me in terms of my art and creativity.  learning to glue things together in a way that not only interests and intrigues me, but also speaks to others and rings with a certain truth and cosmos (to borrow an idea from madeline l'engle) has been an incredible journey.  i hope that i have only just begun this journey, and i appreciate those who have journeyed along, in your own way.  i'm fascinated to see where it leads, and determined to enjoy each step along the way. 

get up and get going (the ascension)

yesterday in church we talked about the ascension of Jesus, as recorded in acts 1:1-11. it is such an interesting story because it has this old school, otherworldly feel to it, like Jesus is just floating away on a cloud. one almost feels that the story should also involve a witch, a princess, and a dragon or two.

but it doesn't. it isn't a moralizing fable or a fairy tale. it is simply a story about power. it has been like 5 or 6 weeks since Jesus demonstrated otherworldly power by defeating death, and since then he has been continuing to mystify and baffle his followers by showing up in locked rooms and at inopportune times. he is clearly not just the carpenter-rabbi that they had thought they knew...truly he is the Son of God. and this little anecdote is the final chapter of that particular story. here is shows that it is not only the law of death which holds no power over him, but also the law of gravity. he has power. power over the grave. power over gravity. power over whatever holds us down.

and there's a great deal that tried to hold him down, right? lies, deception, accusations, jealousy, fear, anger, etc. they even tried to literally nail him down and then seal him in a tomb. but they couldn't hold him down.

there's a great deal that tries to hold us down, too, isn't there? the daily grind. despair. numbness. status quo. sinfulness. fear. anxiety. physical pain. sickness. grief. woundedness. and the list goes ever on, it seems. we are weighed down by so much gravity. and it is in the midst of this weight that we read this story and imagine Jesus rising up into the clouds. we celebrate his victory over sin and death, and yet we still feel a very real struggle with sin and death. and so Christ, in all his resurrection power, speaks to us:

"you, too, will receive power."
"when, Lord?"
"when the holy spirit comes on you."

do you hear that promise? it is awesome. we may read it and think that we have been promised the Holy Spirit, and that is true, but there is a bit more to the promise. just as Jesus is demonstrating his power over what holds us down, he promises us power through the holy spirit. power. jesus is promising us power over what holds us down. power over the grave. power over gravity and all that grinds us down into the dust and detritus of the daily grind. we don't have to be crushed. he lifts us up. we have that power through the Spirit of God.

it's an amazing promise that i pray you will find some time to reflect on during this week leading up to pentecost. but don't reflect too long. for just as the disciples were standing there, gaping at the sky and amazed at Jesus' anti-gravitational powers, he said one more thing to them. he said, "go. go and be my witnesses. at home, in your neighborhood, across the railroad tracks, and all over the world. don't just stand here staring. get on with it!"

get up and get on with it. that's really the message of the ascension. we don't have to be crushed and weighed down. we don't have to be slaves to the grave. with the power of the Christ through the Holy Spirit, we can get up. and what do we get up for, if not to get going to whatever place God is calling us? each day is a new adventure, a new chapter, a new tale to be told. who will we be in this story? those who are crushed underfoot by the oppressive weight of the forces of the firmament? or will be those who rise up and sing the stories of freedom, of hope, and of love wherever the story finds us? get up, friends. get up, and get going.

saturday song: barber: adagio for strings

i'm not sad, i promise, but sometimes i'm just in the mood to listen to some music that moves me, that can suddenly and almost supernaturally pull me from the grit and gravity of merely existing into the full-on wildness of true living. we need music to interrupt our processes, to distract us from our details, and to stop us dead in our tracks sometimes. we need music that marries spirit and sound in our ears and in our hearts and in the spaces between us, to remind us that there is something more significant than status quo.

this piece in particular is one that, at least for me, seems to speak very clearly about both the aching brokenness of life, as well as the critical beauty of grace worth believing in. it is haunting and glorious and hopeful.

it was written by a man named samuel barber in the 1930's, originally as a string quartet, although you mostly hear it today done by a whole string orchestra. it is called 'adagio for strings' and was the second movement of his "string quartet opus 11." this particular adagio has become quite famous, and you may have heard it in any number of film and tv shows, ususally set to some particuarly melancholy scene. it was also notably played on the radio at the announcement of the death of franklin d. roosevelt, and at the funeral of albert einstein.

the version below is a full 9 minutes long, and i know that seems like a long time, but if you have some good speakers (i suggest headphones), simply let it carry you away and i promise that it will be 9 minutes of your life that have been very well invested. listen, yearn, and believe.

at the end of the school year

as if someone accidently slipped Father Time a Red Bull, we have somehow already arrived at the end of the school year. cade already had his closing program, and jack only has 2.5 days left, including today. and then we enter that great wilderness known as summer vacation, full of sweat and popcicles, scrapes and sunblock.

but for now, before we take the final plunge into the deepend of summer, i am reflecting on the fact that our boys have now finished another year of their education. jack is nearly done with kindergarted and can read quite well. caedmon has stopped adding numbers to his ABC's, and speaks very clearly. time, and good teachers, have taught them much both in and out of classrooms over these last months, and i am (more than) blessed to be a witness.

and not only that, but i am challenged once again, both as a Father and as a human being, to keep on learning. just like i wrote to them back in september, my hope is to inspire in them the will to love learning, and to keep searching, discovering, and asking questions no matter what grace or classroom they findthemselves assigned to. the only way for me to pass that along is if it is also true for me, so today, as i look forward to a great big summer promising hot days and a new addition to our family, i commit to keep learning. i commit to rejecting the parts of me that want to think i've already figured things out or found the answers. i commit to re-discovering life in every possible way i can, tasting it's sweet nectar as it's watermelon juice runs down my chin. and i commit to making sure these boys know just how proud their daddy is of them for doing such a great job at school this year. let's keep learning!

the milinovich baseball team

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

some of you saw this on facebook last night, but i thought i'd share it here in case you missed it.  enjoy!

learning to ride without the training wheels

last night we took the boys out to the church parking lots to ride backs, and we took the training wheels off of jackson's bike for the first time. i figured he'd be a bloody pulp by the time we finished, but he only fell once (although you would have thought that it was the end of the world!), and he did much better than i expected. the video below is a just a composite of 8 or 9 pictures, kind of like one of those old "flip books" that makes something look animated. anyway, you could get a sense that he started off pretty good, at least in a straight line. now we have to work on turns. one step at a time!