happy halloween, 2011!

happy halloween from the milinovich family.  as you can see, we've got a little buzz lightyear, and a skeleton (who hastens to add that he has glowing eyes, but you're just going to have to take my word on that).  we carved pumpkins in the snow on saturday, and took these pictures yesterday, since tonight will be kind of crazy (and probably getting dark) between eating mummy dogs, getting costumes on, and trick-or-treating.  enjoy some pictures of our halloween-y (love that word) weekend. 

our little lobsty.  we bought this costume a few weeks ago.  and wouldn't you know?  it doesn't fit the little pudger now.  couldn't stuff his chubby arms into the sleeves, and his legs just barely fit into it.  poor guy was stiff as a board in there, so we softened him up in a pot of water. 

above:  cade's lightning mcqueen on the left (made by mommy), and mommy's owl on the right

below:  daddy's bulldog on the left, and jack's face on the right (made mostly by jack)

saturday song: snow patrol

well, as i sit here on the 29th of october in central pennsylvania, i am looking out the window.  and i see snow falling heavily.  in october.  we are expected to get 6-10 inches.  of snow.  in october. 

are you kidding me? 

nope.

so, after carving the pumpkins, i'll be lacing up the snow boots. 

therefore, for our saturday song, i thought i'd choose a song by a band named "snow patrol."  this is my favorite song of theirs, called "chasing cars."  this video just shows the lyrics. 

hope everyone has a safe and warm saturday.  in october.

cbc

above:  coloring by caedmon.

below:  cuteness by caedmon.

steelers recap (a bit late)

thursday seems a bit late for a reaction to sunday's steelers game against the cardinals, but, what can i say?  i've finally got around to doing it. 

the picture above was just my way of celebrating not only the steelers important road win over pittsburgh west arizona, but also the ravens monday night debacle which put the steelers into first place in the division. 

antonio brown, the second year receiver, has been coming up big for the steelers this year, and is clearly a comfortable target for roethlisberger.  it's really great to see his maturation, and it seems to me that his upside is amazing.  this one-handed reach catch on sunday was spectacular. 

 i just loved this picture of troy, so i turned it into a poster.

i absolutely love this picture.  it is from sunday's game in arizona, and in this particular view, i don't think you can see one cardinal fan.  there is nothing - NOTHING - like steeler nation. 

mike wallace.  the golden stripe.  that's not really his nickname, but i just made it up.  he sort of looks like a gold blur, running down the sideline, so, yeah. 

there's been lots of talk about woodley's huge contract in the offseason, and how he didn't seem to be living up to expectations early in the season.  well, woodley stopped that talk quickly with some stellar defensive play in the last few games.  he looks to be back in form as an intimidating force on the left side of the steelers defense, and opposing quarterbacks should be paying close attention.  are you listening, tom brady? 

blue jays and toy yodas

i'm pretty sure that universal blogging rules dictate that i'm not supposed to apologize for my lack of writing, but i feel compelled to hang my head in silent shame. 

sorry i have been absent.  life has been a bit...overwhelming.  i keep thinking that i have a million things i want to say, but i don't just want to say them, i want to say them well.  and then i get distracted by other things and i lose track of time and then i'm too exhausted to say much of anything well. 

and that pretty much gets us all caught up. 

with that in mind, i don't have a good 3-point sermon here today, or anything particularly witty or creative.  just my musings on this beautiful fall tuesday in central pennsylvania. 

-today is quin's 3-month birthday.  he is so smiley and cute and, well, round.  just really round. 

-coldplay's new album came out yesterday.  if you don't know, now you know:  i'm a big coldplay guy.  and by that i mean that i love their music.  i'm not a fan in the classic sense of the word.  i don't have any posters of them on my wall, and i couldn't even tell you the names of the guys of the band.  but i can tell you how much their music has impacted and accompanied me.  the new album is just as anthemic, just as sing-along, just as fresh, and just as hopeful as i could have expected.  i'm really enjoying it.  and, i designed my own album art for it:

-today we were watching the news and caedmon was in the room.  a commercial came on for toyota, and cade said, "toyota!  that's cool!  i have a toy yoda downstairs!"  classic.



-i got a flu shot today. my first one ever.  generally i am opposed to sharp metal objects being forced into my body in order to inject foreign chemicals into my bloodstream, but shannon insisted.  so, needless to say, i have lost the use of the left side of my body for the remainder of the day.  at least cade gave me a scooby-doo sticker for being brave. 

-on saturday, when shannon and i woke up, jackson was already awake, and seemingly had been for some time.  he had gone to the living room and watched the birds in the early morning sunlight.  he saw a blue jay, and was so moved by it that he went downstairs, got some paper and markers, and then colored the blue jay as he saw it.  i was impressed with his desire to visually represent what he saw with his own eyes, and with his ability to do it realistically.  very cool. 

-oh, and one more thing.  the ravens lost to the jags last night, in a beautiful display of futility.  the ravens net passing yards through the first half?  one yard.  one stinking yard.  they had no first downs the entire first half, and didn't get one until there was about 20 minutes left to play.  flacco was his usual unimpressive self, and now the steelers are back in first place in the division, where they belong.  or, at least until they play the patriots and the ravens the next two weeks.  should be interesting....

saturday song: just breathe

last night our pbs station was showing the new cameron crowe-directed documentary about pearl jam called "pearl jam twenty" which celebrates the band's first 20 years.  not many bands that started in 1991 are still together today, and none of them can say that they've called their own shots over their career the way pearl jam has.  because of their determination to be true to themselves, they've truly got an interesting story within the context of a music world typically run by huge corporations. 

when thinking of pearl jam, even twenty years later, most people think of the grunge movement out of seattle in the early '90's, along with nirvana.  there is a sense that pearl jam is somehow stuck in the past, but to assume that is to be completely unfair to a group of artists who was continually redefined themselves amidst enormous pressure within the music business.  i've had a love/hate relationship with pearl jam since 1992, liking most of their music, but not always being thrilled with their particular views or the way they express them.  and yet i've always had such tremendous respect for their passion, their artistry, and their continued growth over the years.

so, for this saturday song, a recent pearl jam song about making sure we let the people we love know that we love them.  tell them.  and show them. 

my confession: what not to wear

this blog serves several purposes for me.  perhaps more than anything, it is an outlet for expression for me; a chance to vent all my creative energy so i don't explode.  but it's not only that.  i also get to write down some of the funny family stuff that happens so that i don't forget.  it also affords me the opportunity to stay in touch with family and friends in a way that i couldn't otherwise do.  there are many other small things that this blog accomplishes for me, not the least of which is a healthy sense of guilt when i'm not writing enough.  but today i'm taking advantage of another advantage of having my own blog: confession. 

that's right, i get to use this digital platform to air my dirty laundry to the entire internets, or at least to the 15 people who check my blog from time to time. 

so here goes. 

(don't judge me).

while shannon is breastfeeding our little quinton, she likes to watch tv.  and she watches shows that i would never typically choose.  one of her favorites is the tlc show "what not to wear."  in case you haven't seen it (and you probably haven't), it takes a person who dresses in a frumpy way, and generally doesn't take care of their self, or present themselves in a way that shows they care, and works with them to show them a different way to dress and attend to their appearance.  by the end of the show, they have a bit of a new wardrobe, a new hairstyle, and, often, a new lease on life. 

it is a show about fashion, about makeup and hairstyles.  does it sound like a show i would want to watch?  nope. 

but this is my confession:  i'm hooked. 

i love stacy and clinton.  i love the transformations.  i love the way the outer change gives birth to inner change.  i am fascinated, intrigued, and hooked. 

that's my confession.  don't judge me.

do the clothes make the woman, or the man?  of course not.  but that's what i like about this show.  it isn't just about making fun of people or just trying to change their wardrobe.  instead, both stacy and clinton (the hosts) are constantly helping these people understand that they are beautiful the way they are, and that they need to understand that first and foremost.  when they begin to "get" that to some extent, then they can begin to project it with confidence and assurance in a way that exudes beauty. 

i'm fascinated by that process. 

it reminds me of my own faith.  how, when i am finally able to receive God's grace and love in an area in which i have been resisting it, i am transformed and (finally) able to share that love with others in graceful and compassionate ways. 

there is sometimes a tendency in me to imagine that it is selfish to think of myself, and that those who are really spiritual don't pay much attention to what they are wearing, as they are more interested in the state of the spirit.  but one of the things that i've learned in life, and that this simple show reaffirms, is that the self is really integrated and whole.  you can't break it into different parts.  how i dress is actually a part of who i am and how i view myself and what i am saying to you about my value as a human being.  it's not about glamour and fashion and trying to hide behind clothes and paint.  it's not about being fake.  it's not about outdoing others.  it's about expressing yourself, and being comfortable in your own skin, regardless of what others have told you, or what you think others are thinking about you.  it's, quite honestly, about learning to accept love and loving yourself, so that you are able to love others as well. 

but also, it's just fun to watch.

there, thanks for listening.  i feel better now.

oh yeah, the steelers won this week

they didn't exactly win in commanding fashion, at least not in the second half, but they still won, and they are 4-2, which is certainly respectable at this point.  the "old and slow" defence is returning to form and has already moved to the top in several categories, despite the loss of several starters due to injury.  if the steelers are able to find their niche, get relatively healthy, and keep ben from being obliterated by opposing pass rushers, they will be competitive all the way through to the end. 

enjoy my picnik.com creations for this weeks win over the jags. 

apple picking 2011

last weekend we went apple picking at a little local orchard off the beaten path.  it was really fun to take the kids on the hay ride down into the orchard and enjoy this little yearly festival of fruity abundance with them.  we picked mostly red and golden delicious and some ida reds.  as you can see from these pics, we had a great time on a beautiful fall day. 

do it yourself

after a weekend of having 16 members of our extended family sleep in our house, a climactic worship service including the baptism of our son, and keeping track of several young children, i'm wiped.  so, make up your own blog post today.  make it clever and witty, and with some sort of deeper significance.  either that, or just write about another grueling steelers victory.  you choose.  either way, i'll read it when i wake up.

carnivores, decepticons, and hope

"mom!,"  jack yelled from his bedroom during reading time.  continuing in a very factual tone, he yelled across the house, "mom, the apatosaurus weighed 30 tons."  as if this information was critical to the folding of the laundry, he added with urgency, "they also kept pebbles in their mouth to help with digestion, and they can stand on their back legs, which are taller than their front legs.  also...."  and he continued with a vast array of facts about some enormous ancient terrible lizard. 

this type of moment is the bricks and mortar that build our normal days.  when you are in the throws or raising three boys, life looks a bit different.  the moments that add up to make up a day shift somewhat, from what might be considered typical to normal people, to discussions about grasshopper guts, iguanadon intestines, and the talents of transformers.  right now, cade says we need to have another baby so we can either name him "sideswipe" or "new optimus prime." 

that's life with three boys.  it is always an adventure, and always interesting.  just yesterday, caedmon told us that he wants to be a "church seller" when he grows up.  when pressed on what that means, he told us that a church seller sells stuff that no one wants.  i had the terrible sinking feeling that he was talking about my career, and that this is how he envisions what i do, but i'm not sure if that's what he meant or not.  when pressed further, he retreated a bit, and shut down the conversation by saying defensively, "i'm just going to keep it in my mind right now." 

we're constantly laughing. 

but life isn't all herbivores and autobots.  it's also full of ferocious meat-eaters and those masters of evil, decepticons.  which is simply dad-of-three-boys language for saying that life is all kinds of broken.  as much as my kids clearly love each other, they fight regularly and vociferously.  they hit one another.  they say things like, "i'm not going to be your brother anymore!" and "i'm never playing with you again."  most playtimes include at least one episode of tears and hurt feelings, if not hurt bodies, as a result of being bludgeoned by various toys used as weapons. 

i end up having to give time outs or other various kinds of punishment, sometimes feeling bad that i've raised my voice too much or reacted too strongly.  and when i have time to reflect on these unfolding dramas, it occurs to me (as it so often does) that life is so broken.  that even as children, brothers fight with one another, hurting one another in order to obtain the right to hold more toys, even pretending to "kill" one another when they think dad isn't listening.  this isn't the way we were meant to be.  brothers aren't meant to bite or bludgeon, but to embrace.  but the world isn't as it should be, is it?  it's broken. 

keep that in mind for a moment while we change topics.  we'll come back to it.

i'm preaching on jeremiah 29 this week.  while normally a chapter from the prophets might be a bit obscure, this particular section of scripture, at least verse 11 anyway, has become widely (over) used for everything from frilly bookmarks to capital campaigns.  it has become the motto of anyone who wants to believe in some kind of prosperity Gospel, as if God's deepest desire is to make sure you get a new ipad and a better car.  let me just say very clearly that this is a blatant misuse of this scripture.  despite a recently popular movement in american christianity (jabez, anyone?), God is not nearly as interested in growing your property as in building the Kingdom.  so if this verse has become a way for you to justify spending more money on yourself ("treat yo self!), then you are missing the point. 

that being said, i read a blog recently that i think overreacted on this point a bit.  yes, it is frustrating when people pick and choose verses of scripture to meet their own needs and justify their positions, but that doesn't mean we should throw the baby out with the bathwater.  when Jeremiah has God saying this in verse 11, "i know the plans i have for you: plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future with hope," it is not a promise to give us whatever we want, but it is a promise.  the argument i read from one angry-ish blogger was that this was written to a particular people in exile and shouldn't be commandeered by modern Christians for our own use.  and while i agree that there is a danger there to try and turn this verse into a blanket approval by God to focus on self and pleasure, i don't agree that there is nothing here for us. 

no we are not in exile to the assyrians or the babylonians.  but are we not also in exile?  are we not strangers in a strange land?  are we not living life with one foot in our home (the kingdom - or rule/reign - of God) and the other foot in a place that is most definitely not our home (a broken world)?  are we not (and here we return to where we started) in a place where brothers fight over plastic swords and who has the cooler underwear? 

you see, as we continue to discover in juat about every moment of our lives, we are living in a broken world.  we are living in exile.  we are not home.  but we cling to hope, because we believe that we have not reached the end of our story.  we believe (and this is radical!) that God, too, sees the broken world in which we live (and our own brokenness) and says something like, "don't give up!  this is not the end!  i have plans for you!  plans to make things right!  plans to end this exile!  plans that involve a future of great hope, not one of despair and decay!" 

besides the fact that God uses too many exclamation points, i hope you hear this today.  in a world of carnivores and decepticons, God has a different plan.  not merely for your own prosperity, but something far bigger and infinitely better:  the redemption of this broken world - an exodus from exile - and a homecoming to a place where brothers play instead of fight, and where laughter isn't soon followed by tears.  it will be perfect.  it will be right.  and it will be home.  until then:  hope.

many faces

dang, he's cute.  he is certainly very expressive, and as i was taking these shots and then working on this composite of some of them, i was reminded of how many facades we all have.  i, for one, have a face for every occasion.  in any situation, there is a part of me that is willing to gauge my surroundings and help me determine which face is appropriate for the moment.  this whole process can occur in nanoseconds, and, without even consciously thinking about it, i become: "greg milinovich, master of disguise." 

before you judge me, consider your own self.  i have a hunch that you do this, too.  it's part of being human, i think.  it's a kind of guardedness that we think is protecting us from getting hurt.  we imagine somehow that if we can control the self that we project with our faces and our words, we will be able to control what it feels like underneath (of course this is pure rubbish, but we go on this way, don't we?).  if you say something to me in jest, but it hurts me in a place that i can't even really put my finger on, my 'master of disguise' instincts will kick in and i will probably laugh along with you, and give you my best self-deprecating smile, but what is happening in the places that can't be seen?  and what have i said about myself in this act of face-painting? 

in the end, we long to be seen as we really are.  we long to be looked at; our true faces beheld, and, in tenderness, loved.  we pray with the psalmist, "turn your face to me, o Lord,"  and while we may yet keep our own aimed at the ground, God calls us to lift up our heads.  for God is a God who embraces; who creates; who calls the creation "very good,"  who loves us relentlessly, even without our face paint on.  i have found that the challenge for me is to accept a love like that, because to whatever extent i'm able to do that, i am then able to face the world with less pretense and with more genuine expression, with less fear and more security in who i am as God's beloved.  if i can let myself be loved, then i am able to face forward with hope and authentic emotion, not hiding in fear of what you or God might think.  when i let myself be loved, i can just be me, "greg milinovich, master of messes, child of incredible grace, and loved beyond imagination."  and when i am that guy - when i am who i was created to be - i am most fully alive, even abundantly so.

i thank you, God

my favorite poem, which i've written about before, is by ee cummings.  a few weeks ago i had the creative urge to have my children somehow read or recite that poem, set to some music and some images of them just enjoying life.  being a complete and utter amateur, i have neither all the tools nor the expertise required to do it really well, but i do have the need to express myself creatively and to document my children's lives in interesting, meaningful, and hopefully beautiful ways.  so, without further ado, here is the video i've put together.  enjoy. 

every morning

some days you just need a little reminder of mercy and hope. 

the grandy man can

-ahhh, that's more like it.  game 5 in the bronx thursday night.  should be fun.  at least the grandy man bought us one more night of yankee baseball. 

-dear a.j., thank you.  i take back all those things i thought about you. 

-dear derek jeter, you are so clutch.  that is all.

-dear arod, welcome back to the party.  now keep it going.

-dear ivan, time to be great, baby.

-dear texas rangers, i see you waiting for us.  hold on, we'll be there in a few. 

how i get through this day

it's still grey and rainy here.  it feels like london spent the night with seattle, had a little too much to drink and decided just to stay in bed this morning.  looks like the sun is taking another sick day today. 

of course, it doesn't help my mood that the yankees lost again last night.  and that i sacrificed time i could have spent sleeping watching them strike out repeatedly.  my outlook on life in general diminished on each successive strike, and yet i couldn't stop watching.  when i finally did sleep, it mostly felt like a short pause in between reliving the agony.  i keep trying to listen really closely to see if i can hear mark texiera and alex rodriguez begging God to remind them how to hit a baseball.  so far, nothing.   

so, yeah, it's going to be that kind of day. 

but, when i start to feel like this day would be better spent watching all three extended films in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy while dozing in and out of sleep, i will simply look at the picture below, and the sun will suddenly break through the clouds and all will be well. 

why do i care?

usually when the steelers win on sunday, i write loquaciously about it on monday, complete with pictures and overwhelming joy.  when they lose?  i typically just pretend it didn't happen and forget to mention it all together.  the pain is just too much for me to deal with. 

but today, i feel like i need to mention it. 

yesterday was an uncommonly bad sports day for me.  i had a free afternoon/evening (which is a rarity), and both the steelers and yankees were playing.  it had the potential to be a really great day.  however, the steelers lost, looking generally awful in doing so.  then, the yankees lost game 2 of their ALDS against the detroit tigers.  not only that (as if that wasn't enough for me), my gators got manhandled by alabama on saturday night, and the hated ravens dismantled the jets on sunday night.  heck, even my fantasy team is getting beat unless i have a huge night from josh freeman tonight.  after the way this weekend has gone, i won't hold my breath. 

all of this begs the question though, why do i care?  believe me, i've asked this question many times myself, and it's hard for me to come up with an answer that will make much sense, at least to others.  as i continue to uncover the layers that make me me, i have discovered that at least part of the reason for my fanaticism in sports is my intensity in everything.  i have a hard time just caring a little bit.  i either care or i don't, and when i do, it's all in.  i can be a pretty intense person (i've been told that 'milinovich' means 'intense' in croation.  however, i've also been told it means 'fast,' 'quick,' 'loud,' 'sexy,' and 'let's eat right now,' depending on the circumstances, so i guess i can't really count on that), and that intensity permeates its way into every area of my life.  i am in intense sports fan (see my mancave for exhibit A), and it's not that i logically think sports is that important in the scheme of life, or at least in my life, but i can't surrender my passion and charisma for the games. 

even going into yesterday's steelers game, which i had a bad feeling about, i tried being nonchalant.  i said to myself, "self, relax.  the steelers have a good chance of losing this game, and you don't really care.  it's no big deal.  just a game, blah blah blah.  yeah right, i was sweating and clenching and yelling and feeling every hit and tackle in my own physical body as if i were on the field.  and at the end i felt like 1.  i had just been through a heavyweight fight, and 2. i could use a good cry. 

so, after blowing my nose and wiping my eyes (just kidding?), i determined not to wear the same steelers socks next week.  of course, that's just silly fan stuff; i mean, do i really believe that what socks i wear affects the outcome of the game?  you bet i do!  next week it's new socks, new underwear, and i won't light the steelers candle that i lit this week in my mancave.  hey man, i'll do whatever i can for the team. 

and there you have it.  alas, sports, for me, involves all sorts of ridiculous superstitions and raw emotion (good and bad).  but it's quite simply just a part of who i am.  if that was all that i was, that would be a problem.  but as it is, i am intense in everything: most of all, i hope, in my loving.  at least that's who i want to be.  i want to live and die with my love at a level of intensity a thousand times that of my football fanaticism.  i want to love strongly and wildly and fanatically.  i want to be bummed when those i love are bummed.  i want to jump around and scream when those i love succeed.  i want to rejoice and weep and dance and sing and live deeply in every way.  i want to reject the trendy apathy of my generation and instead rise up and care.  about more than just me.  and if it means that i wear my emotions on my sleeve and have to journey through valleys as well as hilltops and mountain peaks, so be it.  i don't want to be a flatlander.  and if someone asks me, "why do you care?,"  i will simply say, "because 'milinovich' means 'to care intensely.'"  it won't be entirely true, but the real answer is a little long and hard to explain. 

saturday song: when death dies

since i got it last week, i've been listening quite a bit to the new gungor album "ghosts upon the earth."  i really enjoy gungor, first on a purely musical level, but much much more from a lyrical standpoint, as they have refused to succumb to the Christian music industry's desire for bands to make safe and saccharin-sweet theologically-challenged albums.  instead, their lyrics feel like they just got done with a bible study (perhaps even the one my church is currently doing on hope and resurrection) and are singing about it.  for example, the song that i have included here seems simply to be a retelling of Isaiah's beautiful image of the new Kingdom. 

this video is an acoustic performance of the song "when death dies" from the new album.  you can see that their musicianship is stellar and creative, and full of energy.  it's great art, and it's helping (i hope) the church repent from contentment with escapism or evacuation as a viable theological option.   enjoy.




Lyrics:
Like the waters flooding the desert
Like the sunrise showing all things
When it comes, flowers grow
Lions sleep, gravestones roll
Where death dies, all things live
When it comes, poor men feast
Kings fall down to their knees
When death dies, all things live
All things live
Like a woman searching and finding love
Like an ocean buried and bursting forth
Where it comes, flowers grow
Lions sleep, gravestones roll
Where death dies, all things come alive
Where it comes, water’s clean
Children fed, all believe
When death dies, all things live
All things live
All things live
Where it comes, flowers grow
Lions sleep, gravestones roll
When death dies, all things live

click here to go to gungor's site and read all the lyrics from the album as well as michael gungor's personal notes on each song.