new collage: fragments of elegance

"fragments of elegance"

acrylic paint, found papers, vintage papers, masking tape on canvas

gregory a. milinovich

i am so grateful that i continue to find my way down to the "art cave" in my basement and paint and cut and glue and rip.  i had some fun with this simpler, somewhat more geometric collage.  it's got all manner of earthy colors of acrylic paint, applied and washed and pulled away.  then i kept it simple with just a few pieces applied, with some careful attention paid to color and positioning and line.  it's just good to be creating again!

when bad things happen

yesterday in church we continued our "when Christians get it wrong" series by talking about how Christians act when bad things happen.  we talked a bit about our theology of suffering and evil, because what we believe about those things will affect how we behave.  and, i believe that how we behave in times of tragedy and suffering and difficulty has often been a formative reason for people rejecting the church and her beliefs.  based on the book by rev. adam hamilton, this series is suggesting that we sometimes get some things very wrong in Christianity, and that this is at least partly responsible for the mass exodus from our churches today.  there are, of course, a myriad of cultural factors that help explain the failure of american mainline churches, but one of the key ones is that we have not lived our faith in ways that truly reflect the Christ whom we follow. 

"i like your Christ," Gandhi once said, "i do not like your Christians.  they are so unlike your Christ."

thank you, Gandhi.  that's what i was trying to say.

so when it comes to what Christians believe about evil and suffering, i simply wanted to challenge people to think about how much God controls all of the details of our lives.  We seem to behave like God is pulling levers and pushing buttons and controlling everything that happens all day long, from the other drivers on the road to the results of whatever sporting event we're watching.  if there is an accident on the road up ahead, Christians have often been heard saying how grateful to God they are that God caused them to leave a few minutes late so that they wouldn't be in the accident.  do we really believe this?  that God loved me enough to save me, but didn't love the other drivers enough to protect them?  i guess i'm more lovable?  if we believe that God is orchestrating every little event, then we have to admit that God is causing many gruesome deaths and terrible accidents.  if this were true, God would be causing diseases and torture and abuse, and saving others from these very things.  do we really believe this?  i think not. 

we also have to get away from the belief that bad things happen because God is trying to punish us.  i am so exhausted from trying to defend Christianity from the lunacy of some Christians who want to turn every tragedy into the acts of a mean and vindictive God who punishes the sin of some by wiping out and hurting many.  some have said that 9/11 happened because God was punishing america for our loose morals, homosexuality, the aclu, and feminism.  and hurricane katrina was a result of gambling and promiscuity.  and, of course, homosexuality.  oh, and the earthquake in haiti?  you may have thought that it was the result of movements in the earth's crust along a fault line but, according to pat robertson, you'd be wrong, you simpleton, you.  actually, that earthquake happened because the haitians had made a deal with the devil to get the french out years ago.  so they are being punished.  so, here's where Christianity gets a bad name and comes off looking ludicrous:  we say things like,
-God is love,
-love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength,
-Jesus loves you,
-God says, "I will never leave you or forsake you,"
and so on. 

but then we talk out of the other side of our mouths and say that God is punishing america for her lack of morals, or punishing the poor in haiti because of something some witch doctor ancestors of theirs did. 

really? 

excuse me while i take a second to cool down. 

okay.  i'm back.  i apologize for the delay, but it really infuriates me.  we tell people that they can believe in a loving God, but then we act like that God is anything but loving.  i once counseled a couple who was miscarrying a baby, after having already miscarried numerous others, and while they were grieving for this lost child, they were more scared that God was going to be angry at them.  how much have Christians failed to do their job if people think God is going to be angry at them for miscarrying a baby?  beyond measure, that's how much. 

"by this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you condemn sin."  -Jesus. (nope).
"by this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you correct sinners."  -Jesus (nope).
"by this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you change people's minds."  -Jesus (nope).
"by this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."  -Jesus (there it is.).  (john 13:35)

see what i mean?  God is not a good that sits around and thinks of creative and violent ways to punish us, nor does God desire for us to be broken and diseased and nearly killed just to teach some important lesson or make us stronger. 

and yet. 

and yet, that's what we sometimes tell people who are suffering.  we may mean well, but we say, "this is all part of God's plan," or, "God is testing you, or making you stronger."  and that is not helpful.  it only causes people to (understandably) reject this so-called God of love who seems to mostly love pain and suffering. 

instead, Christians should try and get it right.  we get it right by saying things like, "i'm so sorry.  so sorry."  and, even better, "i am here for you.  whatever you need.  i'll be right by your side as you go through this."  that's the best possible witness to someone who is suffering.  it's not to tell them about God's love.  it's not to try and convince them that God still loves them even though they are hurting.  and it certainly isn't to tell them that God is using this to strengthen or punish them.  no, the best possible thing we can do is suffer with them, which is called compassion.  that's what love does.  And God is love. 

let's get it right.

bug birthday, part 1

last night we had part one of jack's 7th birthday party, a two-part party (because of two sets of traveling grandparents...that would be a great band name, wouldn't it?  the traveling grandparents.) with a bug theme.  we had a great time among the ants and bees and spiders and so on.  shannon made a "earth" cake with a tree stump and an anthill, and some accompanying bugs.  enjoy some pictures of the cake and the festivities, until part two next weekend! 

book review: the road

well, it may be hard to believe, but i finished yet another book this week.  this time i finished cormac mccarthy's pulitzer prize winning novel "the road." 

it was awesome. 

not the "oh my gost i loved it so much and can't wait to read it again because it takes me to a happy place" awesome, but more like the true meaning of the word.  the book inspired awe.  and fear.  and the smallest little embers of hope, too, which i suppose, is where the book's greatest power lies. 

it is a bleak tale.  well, bleak doesn't even begin to describe it. 

first, a note about the style.  i've never read a mccarthy novel before (he's written several popular books including "no country for old men," and "all the pretty horses," to name a few), so i don't know if all his books are like this or not, but the book didn't include some basic grammatical fundamentals like complete sentences or quotation marks.  it took me awhile to adjust to this, but once i did, i rather enjoyed the style, including the very terse conversations between characters written without much indication as to who's saying what.  i was talking to a friend about this yesterday and he pointed out that i, too, have a disdain for grammar and proper punctuation.  as i reflected on that, i figured i ought to be clear about one thing to my readers:  i have a disdain for capital letters, that is true.  i have no problem with grammar, though, so if it appears that i have chosen to reject the basic rules of grammar its not because i'm choosing to.  it's because most of my time of learning the fundamentals of grammar were at jessamine county high school in the middle of kentucky.  so, i done did pretty good for learnin' me some grammars. 

secondly, my thoughts about the novel itself.  (i recognize that that sentence was a fragment, so maybe i do choose to eschew the rules of grammar after all.  hmmm.....i'm going to have to think about this).  the novel is set somewhere in a future america, presumably along the eastern seaboard, possibly in new jersey or maryland or even maybe a bit further south.  it's hard to say.  mccarthy never tells you.  the book has two major human characters, a boy and a father, whose names we are never given.  we simply know them as the boy and the man, and we know that they are following the road through a countryside that has been ravaged and raped by some unnamed disaster.  everything is ash.  and black.  and eaten.  there is not vegetation, and no animal, save for one dog they hear in the distance.  there are almost no humans, except for the few who have banded together in gangs of cannibals.  it is a harsh and dark and hopeless world through with the boy and the man traverse.  it is so grim, and yet oddly compelling, partly because of the man's determination to protect the boy and the boy's quickly-dying innocence. 

i had read the one-liner reviews on the back cover of the book, and someone from time magazine or the new york times or some such reviewer of literature, claimed that it was a tale of redemption, so i turned each worsening page clinging to an expectation that something wonderful would happen.  and it did, i suppose, but not in the dramatic or neat way i might have subconsciously wanted.  let's put it this way: the story doesn't end with a wedding.   and yet, for it's own way of saying that when all is lost, all is not quite lost, i appreciate this work.  it is stunning in its comprehensive description of a burnt-out world, and it has tainted the way i look at the world around me. 

yesterday i drove down rt. 147, south out of  sunbury through herndon and along the west side of the susquehanna river.  if it had been a bright sunny autumn day, i'm sure the drive would have been stunningly beautiful.  but it wasn't.  it waa a damp, cold, and dreary january day, punctuated by bits of leftover gray snow, hanging onto the landscape like some shapeless gray roadkill.  as i drove the 40 minute drive to my destination, i was transported to "the road." i couldn't escape it.  i began to imagine that every home and car that i saw along the way had long ago been abandoned and ransacked for anything of use.  i imagined myself walking on that road, with the air full of the ash of a burning land.  it wasn't hard to imagine, as i saw so many burnt out houses, barns, sheds and old cars that i soon began to feel a bit lost in that land between fantasy and reality.  it didn't help that it seemed like no one else was driving on rt. 147 at about 11am yesterday.  i drove through the town of herndon without seeing another soul, or even, it felt like, any evidence that any soul had been there anytime in the last 5 years.  the world felt gray.  and empty.  and dilapidated.  and rusted.  and marked by spray paint.  and punctuated by ads for divorce lawyers.  and turned over and overtaken by the relentless power of nature. 

i was on the road. 

fortunately, i was able to reach my destination and come out of the ashy fog back into my reality, which involved lunch with a dear friend and some thoughtful and life-giving conversation.  but it wasn't too hard to imagine a world in which such happy meetings are uncommon, or even gone.  except...except for hope.  which compels me to turn the page; which compels me to cling to my faith; which compels me to claim color as victorious over the ashen gray of life; which compels me to laugh; which compels me to joy and friendship and mercy and tenderness and compassion and courage to face the future.  hope.  hope that gray is not the final color, that death is not the final state, and that goodbye is not the final word.  hope that love wins.  hope that abundant life is not somewhere over the rainbow, but is right here right now if only i would live like it. 

mccarthy's exquisite book reminded me of all of that, despite it's grim portrait of the future.  and i am grateful for having read it and been reminded of it. 

our week in pictures

here are the cookies shannon made for jackson's class.  he is having a bug-themed birthday, and so these cookies painted with bees and beetles, spiders and butterflys were taken to school.  tomorrow night we'll have a bug cake.  pictures forthcoming...

and here's our little 6-month old.  too cute for words.

we got some snow this weekend (6 inches, perhaps?).  and the boys played in it all weekend.  i helped them build a snow fort.  this is caedmon working on the fort. 

lifespan and beyond

my first child turns 7 today.  sev-en.  as in years. 

beyond my own sense of wonder that i am a father to a seven year old, i am just full of love for jackson.  he is such a delight, and a wonderful little boy.  he brings such a joy to our home, and a relentless desire to know and understand more and more about the world around him.  he will often tell me the lifespan of a cockroach, or the wingspan of a pterodactyl.  well, in the span of his seven years, i have fallen even more in love with him even though the moment he was born, i was convinced i could never love anyone or anything any more.  but i do.  for the duration of my lifespan and beyond.  happy birthday, little man. 

a couple of books

i have a love/hate relationship with finishing a book.  there's something incredibly gratifying about turning the final page or the binding and being left to simply read the reviews or the publisher's paragraphs on the back of the book.  there's a glorious sense of completion and perhaps even accomplishment.  if the book was, um, let's say less than stellar, then it has the distinct flavor of crossing something off of your to-do list.  on the other hand, if the book was compelling, or if it was a delight, like a piece of chocolate that you wish would never melt away in your mouth, then finishing a book is a distinct kind of agony.  there is a grievous sense of completion and perhaps accomplishment.  all that is left is to hold the book as great closed thing, like standing poutingly outside an amusement park, looking in through its locked gates after it has closed for the day. 

i am often guilty of reading several books at once, and that sometimes leads to the unique situation i found myself in this week: i finished two books in a matter of 3 or 4 days.  first, i finished a book called "same kind of different as me," by ron hall and denver moore.

it is the unlikely story of a louisiana plantation cotton picker turned homeless man, and a successful texas art dealer, brought together by a woman who dared to be faithful to the feeling she had in her that God was calling her to love the "unlovable" in real and concrete ways.  the story is written by both men, told in their distinct voices, from their completely different worldviews.  i don't want to give anything away, in case one of you is going to read it, but let's just say that it will probably cause your eyes to well up more than once, both with elation and profound sorrow.  it is an amazing story of reconciliation, across huge socio-economic divides, racial divides, and more.  it is a true story, and if it doesn't challenge you to rethink your own attitudes about the homeless and those who are "one the margins" in your world, then you're not really paying attention. 

then, last night i finished a completely different kind of book, called "the yellow leaves" by frederick buechner.

as buechner is one of my favorite authors, or at least one of my favorite wordsmiths, i latch on to anything that has his name attached to it.  this book is exactly what its subtitle indicates: a miscellany.  it is a collection of what buechner calls 'yellow leaves,' bits of stories that are still hanging on.  it includes a bit of a novel, some wonderfully tasty short vignettes about members of his family, all kinds of poetry, and so on.  all of it is full of the expected wit and wordplay for which so many have come to love buechner.  if you're looking for some kind of complete work, or cohesive story, don't get this book.  in fact, unless you are already a big fan of buechner, i wouldn't really recommend this book.  however, if you have found that you love the way he can turn the mundane into something like holy ground, just by shedding a different light on it, you will find this to be a wonderful little collection, and you'll be glad these leaves were captured before falling to the ground. 

be very afraid.

my newest family video.  made to look like a film trailer.  set to a song by the group invincible.  enjoy!

fruity pebbles and hot lava: life in our house

here's an update on the major recent developments in our house: 

caedmon drew a smiling octopus(?) with sea-green legs and happy little eyebrows. 

jackson colored a worksheet at school in his typical style: extremely multi-colored.  it's like God spilled a giant bowl of fruity pebbles (yum) all over the earth.  he pretty consistently colors things this way, and i, for one, am a fan of his distinct style. 

this is our hallway.  recently the carpet in our hallway transformed into hot lava, rendering passage nearly impossible save for the rocks that were left uncovered.  unfortunately, since Cade was learning about the letter 'r,' we could only step on rocks that had the letter 'r' on them, which created some very dangerous jumping to get to the bathroom, especially when holding Quinton.  happily, no one was (badly) burned by the carpet lava, and i think we are all better at recognizing our 'r's. 

finally, we spent hours and hours (seriously) this weekend building a huge lego police station whose thousands of pieces had become spread across all our lego bins.  after we finished building it, we organized pieces with a passionate fury.  shannon, jackson and i were intense about sorting every last piece, into about 50 different categories.  then we went and bought some new storage bins to make it work.  and so, with this comes a very simple warning.  if you come and visit us, and you have children, please don't be offended if i hide the legos before you arrive.  or if you find padlocks on the bins.  we're not messing around here.  we take our organization seriously. 

that's life in the milinovich house.  if life in your house is even half as blessed, then you are very blessed indeed. 

my precious

nerds unite:

  i just discovered (where have i been?) that the always awesome LEGO corporation has purchased the rights to produce licensed "Lord of the Rings" products, which means minifigure Aragorn will soon be at a store near you (the lego site says summer 2012).  how awesome is that?  i'm going to need to go to the bank to see about taking out a small loan, as i will be wanting every set, from Shelob's lair to the prancing pony.  my inner fantasy nerd has been busy doing a jig all morning since i saw this, and is now sitting down with some longbottom leaf. 

-

collage: God's word

"God's word"

vintage photo and papers, old bible cover, glued

gregory a. milinovich

"God's word" (detail)

as i mentioned last week, i finally rediscovered my collage space, down in the corner of the basement.  i had to do a little organizing, but it didn't take long for the creative juices to get flowing.  as i started putting things in their "right' place, i felt myself getting excited as new ideas popped into my head, and previously unrelated items began to make connections. 

i had been looking at some work by other artists, and was inspired by some of the more simple ones, especially the art of david wallace.   so this is perhaps, a bit derivative, but it's just a direction i want to explore and incorporate into my own style.  this particular one has an individual leaning to our left, head swelling with the word of God.  the backing for the collage is a very old altar bible cover, with a decorative bevel, and obviously quite worn.  it made for a really interesting canvas, in my opinion, and i liked the shape of the northern border of new york state as a kind of statuesque bust for the figure.  it appears the binding on the Bible was glued at some point, and that explains the tape residue along the bottom of the collage.  it creates an interesting foil to the character at the center.  hope you enjoy. 

i'm not trying to

today we stop and recognize the important work and legacy of dr. martin luther king jr.  i am always prone to some reflection on this day, as racism has always been something that stirs up a righteous anger in me, even when i detect its subtleties in my own attitudes and behaviors.  i've been thinking about dr. king a great deal recently, as i've been working on a sermon series about how Christians sometimes deal with issues in ways that are anything but loving.  and then, when i think about how Christians get it right, i often think of dr. king, and his writings and his life's example which i think so often got it right.  he is really a great hero for me. 

and then yesterday i was privileged to spend some time with a dear friend who, along with her husband adopted a young girl from ethiopia a couple of years ago.  we had some great conversation about the kinds of racism that exist which she had not ever thought of before until now, as she is mommy to a little girl with chocolate-colored skin. 

this conversation caused me to reflect on my own experience of being a white (peach? tan?) person, part of the privileged, entitled majority my whole life.  while racism and it's inequality has always infuriated me, the truth is that, in subtle, almost undetectable ways, racism is still a part of my life.  every time i chuckle along at a joke about a particular race; every time i make an assumption about someone based on their name or their melanin; every time i tell a story and describe someone as a "black man," while never thinking to describe another character as a "white m an," i reveal the racism latent within me.  it's there.  i don't nurture it and feed it.  but it's there.  in most of us, regardless of how brown or yellow or beige you look.  most of us don't want to hear it or deal with it, but we should.

i can't help but think of my son, jack.  recently, when he gets reprimanded for anything, he immediately recites his defensive response: i wasn't trying to!   so, if i get in jackson's case for not listening to me when i tell him to clean up his dishes, he reacts, "i wasn't trying to."  it might go something like this....
daddy:  jackson, why are your dishes still on the table?  didn't i ask you to take them to the kitchen?
jackson: oh yeah, sorry. 
daddy:  hey bud, you've got to try and do a better job of listening when your mother and i ask you to do something, k?
jackson:  i wasn't trying to. 
daddy:  you weren't trying to what?  ignore me? 
jackson:  i guess.
daddy:  but were you trying to listen? 
jackson:  huh?  what? 
daddy:  i said, were you tyring to listen?
jackson:  daddy, when are we going to pin that stinkbug into my bug collection.
daddy:  sigh.

see what i mean?  he feels like as long as he wasn't deliberately trying to disobey me that it shouldn't be a very big deal.  if he had meant to defy me by leaving his dishes on the table, that would have been problematic.  but as it is, he just neglected to listen carefully, failed to follow through and got distracted.  so, not a big deal, right?

wrong.  doing something wrong, even when you're not trying to do something wrong, is still doing something wrong.  get it?  how does it apply to martin luther king jr., and the racism that i was talking about?  well, the truth is that there is racism in all of us, to some degree, and yet we often let ourselves of the hook, so to speak, because, well, we're not trying to be racists.  it's not like we're out joining the kkk or something.  and yet, by not trying to see the subtle (or not) racism in our own selves; by not trying to stop; by not trying to learn; by not trying to change, we are engaging in the very injustice that we cringe at when we see some epic film about racism.  when we just accept the status quo, enjoying our position of privilege without ever being willing to put ourselves in the shoes of another who is not so entitled, we are racists.  "but i'm not trying to," may be your reply. yes, i know. neither am i.  but that's not the question.  the question, at least for me on this martin luther king jr. day (he would have turned 83 yesterday) is this:  am i trying to grow; am i trying to change; am i trying to live for justice for all, not just for some, not just for me?  am i trying?

saturday song: like the wheel

today for our saturday song i bring you a melancholy song about, well, i think its about death.  not totally sure, but it seems to me some different metaphors for death and our own mortality.  no matter what its about, it is haunting and (at least to me) gorgeous.  i love it.  it's be "the tallest man on earth", which is really just a  moniker for kristian matsson, a swedish man who records his own music (very lo-fi) in his own home, complete with the occasional chair squeak and dog bark.  this song comes from his album "sometimes the blues is like a passing bird," from 2010.  enjoy.

lol spiderz and hatchets in my back

-i think i slept in some kind of odd position the other night because this is the second day in a row in which i can barely turn my head.  if someone behind me or even next to me calls me, i have to turn my entire body to see them.  this presents an interesting challenge when driving.  'looking both ways' has taken on whole new levels of difficulty.  i was hoping it would be gone this morning, but i still feel like i've got a hatchet lodged in the back of my neck, and it has the flexibility of a cold steel beam.  (dangit.  i was trying to avoid all forms of the word 'steel.'  now i'm crying again.)

-how great is it that "up all night" has moved to nbc's thursday night?  now i can watch parks and rec, the office and up all night back to back to back.  the only thing that would make it better is if "new girl" would change networks and go to thursday night.  then i wouldn't even need to turn my tv on except on thursday.  (you can tell we are between football and baseball seasons [at least for me]). 

-this week, as i continue our sermon series at church about "when Christians get it wrong" (based on the book by the same title by Adam Hamilton, we will be taking a look at how Christians have sometimes missed the mark when it comes to politics and science.  in politics i believe Christians get it wrong when we put our idealogy above our theology..when we forget whose image we bear...and when we set aside our call to love in the name of being right.  when we spend more time listening to rush limbaugh or watching msnbc then we do listening for the Spirit of God, we get it wrong.  when we marry our faith to a particular political party, we get it wrong.  when we engage in the same spin, slander and self-righteous fear-mongering as others, we get it wrong.  when it comes to science, we get it wrong when we are close-minded and unwilling to ask questions.  when we are locked-in to only one narrow reading of the scriptures without being willing to explore other options, we get it wrong.  when we see science as an adversary to be silenced rather than an ally to help us declare the glory of God, we get it wrong.  when we let fear keep us from learning more about God's unthinkably awesome creation, we get it wrong.  and when we get these things wrong in politics and science, people notice.  it is one of the factors that has led to people in general - especially younger folks - dismissing the church as irrelevant and out of touch with reality.   on the other hand, Christians get it right when we are teachable; when we are willing to learn and ask questions; when we remember that we are citizens of God's kingdom first; when we let love be our banner; when we are humble enough to say that we don't know all the answers.  and we will get it right if we repent of what we've done wrong and work towards getting it right. 

-good news:  i found my collage room again.  it's been awhile, but i cleared off the table in there and started gluing some things together.  of course i did it while holding a baby in one arm, so, it wasn't exactly ideal, but it was at least good to dust off the bottle of glue.  there are good creative days ahead....i can feel it!

-ever heard of LOLcats?  just pictures of cats with ridiculous captions.  some of them are side-splitting funny.  you can see them here.  i was thinking about al gore and spiders last night, and thought i would make my own little LOLspider.
 

-amazing video that my friend daniel shared with me.  really cool that they all play the same guitar, and the singing is really good, too.  check it out. 


-i've been listening to alot of mat kearney this week, to help get my mind off the steelers.  every 5-minute period that goes by in which i don't think about the death trap that is denver, colorado is a major victory for me.  baby steps.  here's one of the songs of his most recent album:



-that's it for now, unless something else completely random pops into my head.  if it does, you'll be the first to know.  you can count on me. 

new year's resolution: eat more

 quin made a new year's resolution for 2012, or at least one was made for him.  it's one he probably would have made, if he had the abilities to think cognitively about what he'd like to change for the new year, and subsequently tell us about it.  unfortunately, his abilities are limited to essentially sleeping, sucking, pooping and looking ridiculously cute.  so, we made a resolution for him: that he would start eating more, because he was looking so, you know, skinny.  actually, we wanted him to move to some solid foods.  so shannon started spoon-feeding him rice cereal this week and he's been housing it.  needless to say, he's doing well on his new year's resolution so far. 

so, while the rest of us try to eat less in january, quin is focused on eating more.  and he's off to a good start.  keep up the good work, little man. 

pinteresting.

to blog or to waste my time on pinterest?  that is the question. 

talk to you guys later.

in-between

-good news!  it's tuesday.  after a monday that i'm certain was 12 times its normal length, that is good news indeed. 

-also, a new david crowder band album and a new snow patrol album in one day.  awesome.

-today, as i drove jackson to school through the valley that is the older part of sunbury, i was looking west into a big 'ol full moon just hanging over the ridge, while the electric-orange sun was just showing off it's own circular glory over the opposite ridge in the east.  it was a beautiful kind of "being caught in the middle," especially as i've been reflecting on genesis 1 for this weeks sermon. 

-there is nothing like an icy cold grey morning drive to make your life feel like a movie.  i drove over the owl-brown-grey susquehanna, lined with barren trees, with stick-cold branches pointing everywhere like so many arrows, while the stereo in my minivan spilled out the sounds of the civil wars:  "i hear something hanging on the wind..."  beautiful.  it would probably be a pretty boring movie.  but it would have a killer soundtrack.

-now that i'm not previewing/reviewing steelers game film, i want to glue things together!  i have been avoiding my collage space altogether, as it just seems to mock me when i go near there, with colorful comments about what i haven't been doing lately.  so, i want to put an end to that and get back into the swing of creating things made from ripped and torn and broken and discarded things.  so, just to inspire me, more than anything, here's a small one i made years ago from a classroom filmstrip:

"the in-between"

paper and film on cardboard

gregory a. milinovich

-so, in between the sun and the moon, in between the start and the end, in between whatever spaces you've been and the ones where you are going, be where you are.  be there.  be present.  be alive.  be yourself.  be uninhibited.  be free.  be abundant.  be hopeful. 

leave me alone. don't talk to me.

even big ben likes to tebow

bet you didn't think you'd hear from me today, huh? 

-well, i'm mostly in denial mixed with shock.  i keep coming to, and thinking, "oh, good, that was just a terrible nightmare that didn't really happen." 

and then i realize it did, and dry heave.  again.

-yeah, it's that bad.

-if i were a professional athlete, i wouldn't wear Jesus on my sleeve the way tebow does for the same reason that i don't put Jesus stickers all over my car.  i know i'll do things that Jesus would never do.  like when tebow ran for 9 yards last night, then got up and flexed his arms while screaming right into the face of the prone defender.  yep.  that's what Jesus would do, tim.  nice work.

-if i wasn't a pastor, my facebook status would be:  "leave me alone.  don't talk to me."  but that's probably not the most pastoral thing to do, so i have to temper my disgust a bit. 

-plus, my eyes hurt too bad to look at facebook anyway.  they are extremely sore after i repeatedly stabbed them with rusty nails dipped in poison. 

-c'mon.  permit me a little drama here. 

-the broncos quite simply outplayed the steelers.  one caveat:  the steelers were missing 5 key players for a majority of the game, not to mention ben roethlisberger, who was only a fraction of himself.  denver won fair and square, but it stinks for a team to get beat when you simply aren't able to put your best team out there.  both hampton and starks hurt their acl's in the game, and keisel left with a significant groin injury.  it looked like a preseason game at times for the steelers.

-you know who i feel bad for (besides myself)?  ryan clark.  dude wasn't allowed to play because of a blood condition that doesn't like altitude, and his absence ends up being a significant factor in the game.  that must be hard to swallow. 

-i try to stay away from the steelers discussions on the web on days like today, but i confess i did peak.  people are being typically reactionary and chicken-little-ish.  they went ben released.  they want to fire tomlin.  two words:  shut up.  just shut up.  tomlin is a great coach, ben is an amazing quarterback, and steelers fans are spoiled rotten with a team that is consistently in the playoff mix. 

-this was a really fun season, full of all sorts of ups and downs.  we got to play an extra game, and it just so happened that our injuries were too bad and our luck ran out.  it happens.  what can you do?  you simply stab your eyeballs with something pointy, kneel to the porcelain bowl (tebow-ing?), and wait til next year.  oh, lots of chocolate seems to help, too.

-when do pitchers and catchers report?

here we go!

saturday song: have you ever

no particular reason for today's saturday song, just an artist that i really like.  she's got such a great powerful voice, and this is a nice little jaunt of a song.  enjoy "have you ever" by brandi carlile. 

the price is right and foreverlazy

-getting back to work this week has made it the longest week ever.  i swear it's been friday for three days now. 

-in the category of "it's a small world, after all," we knew two different people who won prizes on "the price is right" this week.  TWO!  it was celebrity week on the price is right, and our first friend, armando, won the whole showcase with snoop dog on the show.  then, samantha,  the daughter of a woman in our church won a car and $10,000 on the show that neal patrick harris was on.  crazy. 

-have you seen the commercial for the "foreverlazy?"  possibly the worst idea i have ever seen.  they are fleece footed pajamas that you can wear out of the house.  i can only assume the low price of $19.95 or whatever it is must include whatever chemicals you need to inhale deeply to put you into a frame of mind that allows you to think it is okay to wear them anywhere, let alone in public. 

-started watching "the help" last night after the kids went to bed.  being old, we didn't finish it.  we'll finish it tonight.  about halfway through, i must say, i really like it.  i didn't even really know what it was about, but i am, so far at least, impressed with the way it is handling some tricky race issues. 

--this week in church we are starting a new sermon series called "when Christians get it wrong," based on the book by the same title by rev. adam hamilton of church of the resurrection in leawood, kansas.  this series will take a look at some of the ways that christians sometimes forget our main calling and get caught up in "majoring in the minors."  it is also about how these little distractions have become focal points for many churches, further convincing the world that the church in general is irrelevant, judgmental, and hypocritical.  we will be taking a look at how we, as one local church, might start to rethink some of this, and do our best to embody the things Jesus told us were most important: loving God and loving others.  during this series, we'll be dealing with some very touchy issues, like faith and science, politics, and homosexuality, to name a few.  it should be interesting! 

-oversized orc terrell suggs has publicly ridiculed tim tebow's faith, for no apparent reason.  didn't know it was possible, but i like terrell suggs even less now. 

-not that i'm a huge tim tebow fan.  i mean, i think he's really earnest and has a good heart.  i just hope the steelers catch lots of his passes this week. 

-speaking of that, i haven't said much on here about the upcoming playoff game, but don't interpret that as me being somehow disinterested.  believe me, i am more than amped about this!  the steelers are awful banged-up in terms of injuries, so i don't have my hopes set too high for a long playoff run here, but i am certainly hopeful for a win against the colorado horsies this week.  man, i love playoff time.  go steelers!

ordinary

yesterday was a good day. 

i woke up.  scratched my head, then my leg.  i stretched and stumbled to the kitchen and by pure dumb luck got the coffee started without spilling or dropping anything, or pouring the water into the toaster. 

once it brewed, i sipped my coffee.  i blew my nose. 

i woke up my son.  made his breakfast.  quizzed him on his school memorization.  drove him to the bus stop. 

i blogged.

i breathed.  alot.

i thought things and got dressed in things and did little things.

i went to work.  checked emails.  wrote emails.  deleted emails.  archived emails.  i wrote, folded, signed, prayed, discussed, planned, organized, and reached out.  i made some phone calls.  i talked about the steelers game.  i drank some water.  and ate a small candy cane.  i looked in a mirror.  i listened to music. 

i went home for lunch.  i ate some soup.  i slurped and swallowed.  i wiped my face.  i kept working.

i played mighty beans with my son.  i complained about the cold.  i changed a diaper.  i read an article.  i had an idea.  i forgot the idea while reprimanding my kids for giving their baby brother a mighty bean.  i shook my head. 

i laughed.  i remembered.  i yawned.  i ate dinner.  i filled myself.  i went to a meeting.  i prayed.  i talked.  i walked home.  i hit the power button.  i watched.  i laughed.  i got sleepy.  i nestled.  i scratched my side.  i went to bed. 

yesterday was a good day. 

yesterday was an ordinary day. 

yesterday was the tenth day.  of Christmas. 

and here's the situation:  did it matter?  i mean, Christmas.  did it matter?  eleven days we not only opened presents and marvelled at missing cookies, but we also celebrated the birth of Hope and Redemption.  we worshipped and sang and rejoiced and smiled and said some pretty remarkable statements about peace on earth and good will for every human being. 

and then what? 

back to ordinary days.  back to tooth-brushing and meal-planning and child-rearing.  back to scratching your head and blowing your nose.  back to mondays and mighty beans and mundanity.  (i know i made up a word).

so all of this ordinariness begs the question (at least for me): did Christmas matter?  did it make any difference?  did all that stuff i said and preached about Christmas being more than an excuse for gluttonous consumerism find it's way like a seed to soil in my own heart?  did the birth of hope find its own expression in my own life, or is it relegated to some manger-like corner of my heart, packed away until next year? 

yesterday was a good day.  and today's looking good, too.  but as i breathe and blog and get back into the routine, i must decide if Christmas made any difference for me. i must move through the mundane remembering the miracle. 

12-4: my trip to cleveland

as you have surely heard by now, i was fortunate enough to win tickets through a local radio station and travel agency to the steelers final game of the season in cleveland on sunday, january 1st.  the two tickets included the round trip bus ride to cleveland.  since shannon couldn't leave the baby for so long, i took my sister-in-law who is a steelers fan and has never seen them play in person.  we caught the bus in selinsgrove at 8am (on new year's day!) and enjoyed the road trip to cleveland.  i knew there was no way i'd be sleeping on the way, and i was right.  i just had too much adrenaline and excitement.  i must say, though, that cleveland, as a cityscape, is less than impressive.  approaching cleveland is a distinctly different experience that driving into pittsburgh from the fort pitt or liberty tubes.  still, we got the the stadium, parked about 25 feet from lake erie, and got off the bus for some tailgating.

when we stepped off the bus, we each received a steady punch in the face.  the wind.  it was ridiculous.  you had to sort of brace yourself against it or it would cause you to lose your balance.  it was blowing grills over.  bags of chips were flying across the parking lot.  hats were lost.  and so on.  except for the giant brown lake and the assaulting wind, you might have thought you were in pittsburgh, at least by looking at the fans.  it seemed to be about 75-80% steelers fans in the parking lots.  there were various chants of "here we go steelers" and even a ceremonial burning of a browns flag.  we finally moved towards the stadium, just to see if we could get away from the relentless wind.  hey, at least it wasn't raining.

our seats weren't prime, by any means (upper level, probably 20 or so rows from the top, at the corner of the stadium), but the view was fine and the stadium staff were friendly.  once we got situated and approached kickoff, it became clear that the crowd was somewhere around 50-50 steelers/browns fans.  if i had to choose, i would say there were more steelers fans than browns fan, but i could be wrong.  still, it was impressive to see that many steelers fans in a 'foreign land.' 

the game itself was, well, ugly.  there wasn't that much to get excited about. i was happy to see ben was playing.  i was happy to see troy get an interception.  

and i was more than thrilled to see hines get the 5 catches he needed for 1,000.   i have been a hines ward fan since the year they drafted him.  when he first reported to training camp, he was assigned number 15.  15 has always been my favorite number, and wide receiver has always been my favorite position, so i immediately took an interest in hines.  it was merely an interest at first, but it soon grew into awe and deep admiration after watching him make tough catches across the middle, sniff out the end zone no matter what elite db was trying to take him down, and block the snot out of whoever was in his way, regardless of size or reputation.  he was tough.  he was undersized.  he was enjoying every second of it.  i loved all of that.  i loved when he would go up for a 6-yard catch, take a helmet to the chin, and get up smiling, inspiring tunch ilkin to say, "hines is tougher than woodpecker lips!" 

in short, hines ward is my favorite steeler of all time.  his is the only officially licensed jersey i have ever owned.   i got his autograph at training camp in 2007.  i have written about him.  and now, i got to be in the stadium as he did something that only 7 other players have EVER done before him in the nfl: catch 1,000 passes.  that is remarkable, given that he plays in a bad-weather city for a team that for much of his career has been known for running the ball.  he is an amazing individual, a super-bowl mvp, a college quarterback turned nfl wide receiver, a dancing with the stars champion, a man of mixed race and a broken home, and a smiling fool.  i couldn't have been any happier than to see him catch that stupid shovel pass for -2 yards.  i was the first one (at least in my section) standing and waving my terrible towel for that 2-yard loss.  i wasn't cheering for the steelers or the offense or for the game.  i was cheering for hines ward, my favorite football player of all time. 

meanwhile, there was still a game going on.  while it didn't show on the scoreboard, the steelers were dominating the game for the most part, when antonio caught a big pass near the end of the first half (i was in the bathroom). 

the game proceeded much the way that most steelers games against inferior opponents go: it was WAY too close.  in fact, it was so close that it all came down to one final play.  the one pictured below.  a throw to the end zone in the snow that was, as you can see, almost a very terrible ending for the steelers. 

but, the ball bounced to the turf, and the steelers escaped the cleveland wind with a win and a ticket to denver to play the tebows, err, i mean broncos, in the first round of the playoffs.  it was cold, but we were fortunate to stay pretty much dry, despite some blowing rain and snow throughout various parts of the game.  i enjoyed the game thoroughly, and screamed my voice away.  the browns fans around me were (mostly) hospitable, though understandably frustrated with another losing season and another loss to their hated rivals. 

after the game we got back to the bus, and waited in traffic for at least an hour and a half, if not more.  once we finally got out of cleveland, we hit tons of snow and ice on 77, which clearly had not yet been salted at all (was all of ohio still sleeping off a new year's hangover, or what?).  our bus slowed to a snail's pace, which all resulted in me not walking through my front door until 4am, delirious with exhaustion. 

so it was a wonderful experience, and i really enjoyed it.  and will cherish it as a great steelers memory for years to come.  again, a big thanks to 92.3 WVSL and Miller Travel Agency for the opportunity. 

go steelers!